Living with HSV1 – One Reader’s Fresh Perspective

This short story was written by a 23 year old female law student who is living with HSV1.

Contracting HSV1

In the summer of 2011, I was dating a very nice, clean-cut boy on leave from the military who performed oral sex on me, resulting in a few herpes bumps a week later. I don’t remember seeing anything on his face that day. 

After finding out from the doctor at the hospital who flipped me over, lacerated the bumps and bottled the liquids for analysis, I immediately texted said boy and told him to get checked out, because I had some type of herpes. He promptly told me this was the worst news he had ever heard, and we broke up two short weeks later.

Since then, I have done lots of internet research, consulted with nurses and doctors, and done a little soul-searching to see how I should deal with the STD. Most opinions agreed, without an outbreak, I was probably not contagious and should be just fine. They also told me, since HSV1 is incredibly common, it’s nothing to stress about. I have not had an outbreak since the original one and have a feeling it probably won’t come back.

Living with Herpes

Living with HSV1 is perfectly fine in my mind, but not in the minds of others. The very first week of school, when asked point blank if I had ever had an STD, I blurted out, ‘Yes, I had a cold sore, but I’m not contagious.’ As a result of that little conversation, it was quickly disseminated to the student population that I had herpes, and I was best a stone left unturned. 

Not everything has been bad, however. I managed to have a physical and emotional relationship with one person for about a year. He had heard of HSV1 from a friend’s girlfriend, so he was very cool with it when I told him upfront (although he did ask how many sexual partners I had previously, as if that was some sort of indication why I had an STD). 

Moving Forward

Today, there are really only two things that bother me about having an STD, and neither of them has to do with symptoms, discomfort, or health.

The first is, an STD puts your genitalia on public watch, and your character into question. People feel the need to ‘warn’ others about you. It is unfair that the label of ‘herpes’ seeps in and out of my life, so that, just when I feel comfortable, the word snickered out becomes a put-down to make me feel unworthy and unwanted. This type of thing is disgusting, and often sexist, since it is usually males that are so willing to cast aside women who are biologically more likely to contract STDs in the first place.

The second is how to deal with other people who also have STDs. A good friend of mine recently contracted herpes, and, seeing what I had gone through, thought it best to pretend it has never happened and continues to have sex without informing. It’s difficult to convince my friend to take up honesty when there is every short-term benefit to forgetting and lying.

In the long-term, I believe I’ll look back on this period and consider herpes something of my youth, although, it will never go away and will never stop having to enter into future conversations with new partners. STDs are a part and parcel to the risk of sex, much like pregnancy and falling in love.

I don’t intend to regret anything, and I’m done apologizing too.

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This short story was written by a 23 year old female law student who is living with HSV1.

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Are you living with HSV1 or HSV2 and feel similarly? Are you also frustrated by the stigma and characterization thrust upon people with STDs? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!

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• STD? What Now?
• Happy Hump Day Podcast about Living with an STD
• STDs – The New Scarlet Letter
• Herpes and HPV Support Groups